That Dang Dating Website Awkwardness
Geplaatst op 03-04-2025
Categorie: Lifestyle
Well, why the heck not… I’ve officially joined a dating website. I won’t tell you which one. I’ll only tell you that it rhymes with patch bot dom.
Ever since my last relationship ended a couple months ago, I decided to go on a “woman fast.” No women, no dating, no romance. At least not until I felt like my heart could handle another good bludgeoning.
Good crap, dating websites are awkward. There’s nothing about them that isn’t awkward. I mean, think about it.
I know I’ve told people that there isn’t the same stigma with meeting people online as there used to be. But there is still a stigma.
“Where’d you two meet, anyway?”
“Online.”
“Oh.”
It’s the ultimate conversation killer. Don’t ask me why. Maybe because there’s never some romantic story to go with it.
“It was so sweet, he clicked the wink button, and then he sent me a note, and then we chatted on IM, and then we totally fell in love.”
Advertisement.
Looking For Free Online Dating? Try Loveawake:
Yeah, just doesn’t sound as awesome as, “We were both getting coffee, and we ran into each other and spilled our coffee all over each other, and we started laughing hysterically, and we knew… we just knew…”
Okay, I guess that’s not super romantic either. But you get the point.
And then there’s the whole “filling out a profile.” I mean… gosh. How do you sell yourself as the coolest person ever without sounding like a stuck-up douche?
“Yeah, I am a serious mountain climber. I fly to South America 92 times each year and do surgeries for free on suffering children. I love my mom SO much. And, I’m the hottest guy on earth.”
I’m a writer, and the match.com profile is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to come up with. It’s the closest I’ve ever come to getting writer’s block.
But, I finally did it. And I posted it. And I edited 623 times since last Tuesday.
Yet, I still haven’t met the girl of my dreams.
[sigh]
By the way, did you know that everybody is a hiker on dating websites? I’m pretty sure that every person who ever signed-up for the service clicked the little checkbox that said, “I love to hike.”
Yeah right. I go hiking almost every weekend and it’s like pulling teeth to get anybody to come with me (besides Fabulous Wendy). Not too many people actually “like” hiking. They just say they do. Everybody says they do.
But alas, I have found it difficult to meet women since the girls split. Hard to imagine, I know. After all, I am a serious mountain climber who flies to Africa at least 92 times per year. Or was that South America…
As a single dad, it’s tricky. I don’t really enjoy the whole bar pick-up scene. The vast majority of people where I live have beliefs that are very different than my own, and part of those beliefs are that they must marry a member of their same religion if they want their marriage to last into the next life. Not even 92 trips a year to the South Pacific will help me there. And the place I live, it’s 100% married people, 100% of the time. Somehow, I (the only single person in a 20 mile radius) didn’t even break the 100% statistic. Weird, I know. But seriously. Every time I see a beautiful woman around here, whether it be at the gym or the store, I look down and there’s bling the size of Texas.
And so, I’ve moved my search (if I’d even call it that) to the world wide web.
And oh what a tangled web we weave.
Who knows… maybe, just maybe… somebody out there is stuck in a similar weird place around here and we’ll connect and sparks will fly and fireworks will go off and doves will flap through the scene and sappy music will play in the background and we’ll just know… with one click of the mouse, we’ll know.
Or not.
But what could it hurt?